Today, I just wanted to write a post about my mom, who I miss more than anything. Today Mama would be 47 years old. Instead of having a birthday celebration here with our family together and a chocolate cake with streamers hanging around the house for decoration, she's spending it in Heaven with Jesus. As much as I know she would love to be here for us, she's having a wonderful time up Above. Exactly 11 years, 7 months and 26 days ago from today, I lost my mom from a battle with cancer. She joined our heavenly Daddy at age 35. I can hardly believe that eleven years of my life have gone by without her here beside me. I do know that she is with me at all times in my heart.
Eleven birthdays, eleven Christmas', eleven Mother's Day's, eleven Valentines Day's, all those special moments everyone wants to spend with their mom, I always spend a moment to think of her. My mom will forever and always be in my heart. That is one promise God has made me.
I remember the day it happened as if it was just yesterday. Dad came home really late that night from the hospital to tell my brother, Grandma and I. In the mind of a seven year old, for some reason the fact that she couldn't come back didn't sink in. I kept thinking and asking if we could bring her back to us somehow. It was the worst heartbreak of my life.
There is nothing else comparable to a mothers' love. But I never once was mad at God. Dad was always great with reminding Matt and I that God would make purpose of this heartbreak and that God would provide. All we need is faith and trust.
All the memories I have, I hold on to. All the precious comments family and friends give me about how much I favor my mom, I treasure. I thank God for those. I only hope to have just as strong of faith, marriage and wisdom just as she had as I get older. A mother's footsteps should leave the perfect tracks for her child to follow. My mother's were just that. And I pray that God will help me follow them step by step and not venture off. One day I will be where she is. That place is a sweet sweet place. Sweeter than anything you could ever imagine. To know that she is safe in Heaven, in Gods arms, brings me peace and comfort. She has no more pain, no worries, and evil is no where near. It's all just a bunch of great big sweetness!! I wouldn't and couldn't bring her back for anything if I was given the chance, because I know Jesus is holding her even closer now.
My mom may not be here in physical form to help raise me and set that motherly figure example for me as I get older. But I can tell you, all the way from Heaven, she's still doing her motherly job. Because I look up to the woman she was and know that someday I want to be just that. A true Proverbs 31 woman.
And I know one thing is for certain. God held me that night of September 18, 2001. He continues to hold me when it gets tough. I believe that with all of my heart. Ask me why? ..because I can feel Him strengthening me in the moments I need Him most. He has brought amazing people into my life (family and friends) that has taught me so much. When we feel we are falling apart and can't go any further, it's God who brings us through, gives us the strength we need, and provides. And instead of always providing the things we just want, He gives us exactly what we need! He knows our hearts desires just as well as we do! He holds us together in circumstances where everything seems to be falling apart. We couldn't do anything without our heavenly Daddy.
Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mom! I love you and miss you so so much! One day I will see you again, in the place where life is sweeter. Heaven.
This truly sounds familiar. I did not lose my mother as young as you did (22 yrs old), but still was heartwrenching. This post reminds me of how I have always felt but did not always show it. I struggled for a long time with coming to grips with my mom's death. I knew she was at peace in Heaven & that was my only peace here on earth. It's been almost 8 years & I just am now beginning to inwardly feel like I have a grip on her death. Even though I knew all along that Christ had me & my family in His hands. I really appreciate what you wrote & I thank Mandy Litzke for sharing it on facebook. I needed to read it! You have got to be an amazing person & a true witness to Christ. Maybe God had our Moms meet today. :) Thank you. ~Shari
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